if you like me you must not know who I am
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
