I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
