I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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