it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
