dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
