She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
