I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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