his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
