make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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