When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
high people should be assigned attendants
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
