wanna go halves on a baby?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
