Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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