Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
