I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
