I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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