What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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