Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
