I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
