I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think my moral compass just broke
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