I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
