Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
