Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
