On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
