there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
