Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
