now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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