She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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