He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
