I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
jump out the window naked night went bad
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize