so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
wow bdsm is so cute
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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