I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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