I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
