My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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