Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
