if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
