he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
