Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
