I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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