First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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