Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
don't judge my taste in strippers
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
