Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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