Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
