I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So many bounce houses so little time
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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