Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can't put those talents on a resume
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
