this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
These tits shall not be calmed
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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