i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize