Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
