its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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