If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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