watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
