After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
