Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Your cock deserves a montage
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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