Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
