Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
