Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
