i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
