You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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