We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
