I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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