Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
