Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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