Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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