Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
