She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
