I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
