dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
