Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
