if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
