Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
