I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize