Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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